Broken Hearts, Broken Lives: Romance Scams Are on the Rise

How to protect yourself from fraud on dating apps and social media

There’s a new person in your life. They reached out to you on a dating app or social media platform, and now you’re constantly chatting by phone, text, email, or online messaging. (They’d love to meet you in person, but for various reasons, they can’t.) This charming, seemingly wealthy person has earned your heart—and your trust—by offering effusive compliments, expressing their love, sharing intimate details about their life, and more.

Then your new soulmate introduces you to a surefire moneymaking opportunity and convinces you to invest. Next, they tell you about some personal or professional issue they’re having, which you can solve by sending them more money. And on and on, until suddenly you realize that your bank accounts, and perhaps your life’s savings, have been drained. Finally, you discover that your “dream person” was a fraud all along, and has vanished without a trace.

You’ve just become victimized by an online romance scam. And you’re not alone. According to the Federal Trade Commission (FTC), nearly 70,000 people reported romance scams in 2022, with financial losses totaling $1.3 billion—a huge increase from just four years ago, when 21,000 Americans were victims of these schemes, with losses of $143 million. Given that not every victim comes forward to report this kind of crime, the numbers are likely to be higher.

Online romance scams can have a devastating impact on the mental and emotional health of victims, not only because of the financial toll, but because of the shame and heartbreak many victims might feel after falling for elaborately crafted lies.

Here’s a look at some of the most common tactics used in online romance scams, along with tips on how to keep yourself from being preyed upon.

Warning signs in a new online relationship

Some of the methods used by today’s romance scammers are as old as time itself, while some have evolved using the latest technology. These practices include:

• Before targeting you, the scammer sends friend requests to people in your network. If some accept the invite, it now looks like you have friends in common, which builds trust.

• Whenever you share personal details with the scammer, they “mirror” those details—telling you they’re into the same things, that they share your feelings, and so on.

• Very early in your correspondence, they express their undying love for you.

• They quickly want to take the conversation off the dating site and onto email or a private messaging app.

• They tell you they’re unable to meet you in person because they travel all the time or they work internationally. (Two of the most common false occupations claimed by romance scammers are military servicemember and offshore oil rig worker.)

• They might convince you to join them in a can’t-miss investment fund, often involving cryptocurrency. (As part of the ruse, you’re given fake account information showing that you’re getting richer and richer, when in fact all of your “invested” money is gone.)

• They tell you about some problem of theirs (they’re sick or injured, a business deal has gone sour, they’ve been arrested, etc.), and they need you to send money as a temporary fix.

• They tell you they’re shipping you a valuable package, and they need you to send money to cover “customs” or some other phony fee.

There’s even a growing possibility that your new friend might be using artificial intelligence (AI) to fake or distort everything from their voice, to their photos, to their writing. In an interview, Jeff Clune, associate professor of computer science at the University of British Columbia, said that AI is giving romance scammers “more tools in their tool box to hoodwink people, especially people who are not aware of recent advances in technology.

How to avoid becoming the victim of a romance scam

If you’re active on social media or dating apps, be extremely careful about accepting new friendship requests from strangers and sharing personal information. Should you decide to communicate with someone you’ve met online, the FTC offers advice on how to stay safe:

• Talk to friends or family about your new love interest, and take seriously any concerns they might raise about this person.

• If your new flame has a profile photo or has sent you photos, do a reverse image search to see if the images are in use somewhere else on the web, or are associated with a different identity. If something seems off, it’s likely a scam.

• Never send cryptocurrency, wire funds, or provide the numbers on a gift card to any new person who’s communicating with you online. (Similarly, never let them talk you into investing in crypto or any other difficult-to-trace financial vehicle.)

• Never send money to any person in exchange for receiving a package.

• If you suspect a scam, notify the dating app or social media platform where you met the person, and file a report at ReportFraud.ftc.gov.

Also, be sure to do a thorough search on the person’s name and whatever biographical details they’ve given you (hometown, occupation, relatives, etc.). If their story doesn’t seem to add up, you may be looking at a scam.